Rampant

He’s my best friend.

But you want him to be more than that, don’t you?

Yes. I mean no. I mean, I-- I don't know.

You do know. Stop denying it. You’re in love.

Her brain taunted her with this last statement for a while, until the bell indicated that the class period was over. Elena contemplated the possibility that she was actually feeling something. But then she decided to dismiss those thoughts so she could concentrate on what was actually important. She left the tight, stuffy classroom and set her mind to head towards her next class. Though, somewhere along the loud and obnoxious chatter of the crowded hallway, she was sidetracked by her earlier impressions.

Everyday, this young lady battles her own thoughts, and wonders if anyone else does the same. She is in denial of her feelings. See, she is the type to be very apathetic, and semi-transparent. Emotions make her uncomfortable, so she chooses to ignore them. Though, as Elena’s high school career trudged along, she realized that her permanent stolid expression may actually crack and twist into a smile one day soon.

Her heart twitched, as if it was reinforcing what her mind involuntarily suggested. Inside, she smirked because she knew that her thoughts were right. She almost smiled, but then she remembered that she was standing in the middle of the overcrowded hallway, not too far from her next class. Elena overthinks quite often. Her mind sets up every possible scenario for everything she encounters. If she has a test, she imagines what will happen if she failed, and how her life and future endeavors would be impacted. She occasionally saw past that and imagined what would happen if she were to pass the test, though this outcome was not as predictable as the latter. Elena continuously found it difficult to focus on the positive rather than the negative. She blamed her upbringing and moved on with her life.

Her next class was geometry, where she learned how to calculate the area of a trapezoid. Considering the fact that she was a fairly good student (most people would consider her a good student but she was honestly never satisfied with her grades, and neither were her parents-- they all had high expectations and knew what it took to accomplish perfection) she understood what the lesson pertained of and continued to daydream. She figured that she could teach herself the material while she completed the homework, as she has done plenty of times before. Somehow, her brain managed to relate medians and heights to her presently nonexistent love life and all of the unexpected things that could happen in the future. Only Elena would try to anticipate the unexpected, it’s a part of her nature. Yet again, she set up scenarios regarding her thoughts from earlier that day. What if things worked out between her and her crush and they lived happily ever after like in a fairytale? Then, as always, the negative outcomes loomed over her like a dark cloud. What if she tells him how she feels, and he doesn’t feel the same? Would they still remain friends? Would this experience wreck their relationship as it was? Would these feelings last or was this just a phase that will soon be overshadowed by some other teenage cliché? She realized that she was concentrating on the negative and immediately dismissed the thoughts altogether and concentrated on the lesson. Not too long after, Elena’s teacher was rudely interrupted by yet another bell and every single anxious student, buzzing with energy, spilled out into the hallways from every possible opening. It was there that Elena, already breathing hard from running (not only for the sake of time, but she was running away from her thoughts, though they seemed to catch up to her with no effort at all) was confronted with her worst nightmare. She forgot that her best friend Andrew always walks her from geometry to art because he was headed to art as well, where his desk was right next to hers. Elena figured that it was only right that she suffered the consequences for wanting to be near a friend since day one on the first day at her new school. She never thought she wouldn’t want to sit with him, but with the school year coming to a close, it made sense that everything has changed.

Andrew and Elena had been sitting near each other since kindergarten, as they were always in the same classes and their teachers arranged their seating alphabetically by last name. The two were practically forced to become best friends. Elena trusted Andrew so much, he was the only person who has seen her show emotion.  

As they sat down at their desks, Andrew noticed that Elena seemed strange. Elena didn't know that her face was red and she looked sad and confused.

“What's wrong, Lena?”, asked Andrew, obviously concerned because this was not a usual vibe.

“Oh. Nothing. Noth-- nothing’s wrong. I'm fine”, Elena answered, a bit startled and nervous. The lost tone and quick pace of her response was so low, Andrew leaned in towards her to hear her answer.

“What was that?”, he asked once again.

“Get away from me!”, Elena screamed at him as she turned around and headed to the nurse’s office on the other side of the enormous campus. Elena was so flustered, her head was pounding, matching the rhythm of her heartbeat. Then, everything went black and Elena felt her head hit the floor.

~~~~

Elena woke up and immediately she panicked. She had no clue where she was or what she was doing. All she saw were blank white walls and a television screen, though she didn't hear it playing. As she pieced together her surroundings, a dark haired, fair skinned, attractive male figure creeped into her field of vision. She forgot who he was, but all she knew was that she wanted to kiss him. But she couldn't wrap her mind around the concept enough to actually kiss this mysterious boy. If she remembered how to kiss, she definitely would have. Then, she rose from the plank position that left her back aching. The male figure stepped away from her just enough for Elena to determine who he was, though it was awkward because he looked so much older. Coming to that recognition, she realized how glad she was that she didn't kiss him. Elena yawned, and it scared her a little because the strong inhalation caused an even stronger pain in her sternum.

"Hi! How are you? How do you feel? Are you okay?" asked Andrew, his voice as concerned as it was the last time she heard him speak.

"I'm fine. I'm okay."

Elena was suddenly brought back to reality and recollected the events of their last conversation. Elena felt like she wanted to faint again, but just as soon as that feeling emerged, it was suppressed. Andrew was shoving a juice carton in her face, insisting that she drink it because her blood sugar was really low. The display of affection was slightly overbearing, considering the condition Elena was in, though she appreciated it.

“Where are my... my...” Elena struggled to concentrate on what was missing.

“Your parents? They had to go home and take care of your little sister. They will be back around 4 in the afternoon.” Andrew knew exactly what she was thinking and answered the question. It sounded as if he had been rehearsing what he would do and say when Elena woke up for a really long time.

Andrew’s response provoked some serious thought. Elena realized that her mother was about 8 months pregnant with a little girl when she fell asleep. Elena could see the emergency “birthing time bags”, as her parents referred to them, stacked in a corner in the living room of the family’s house.

“Um... Andrew. What time is it?”

“It is a quarter to 2.”

“And what day is it?

“Today is Thursday. Thursday, April 24.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Things still weren’t making sense to Elena. She tried to figure out why her voice was slightly deeper than she remembered it to be and her hair a few inches longer than it was the last time she touched it. But her head hurt, so she didn’t allow her curiosity to irritate her.

A few weeks later, Elena felt like a whole new person. She decided that she wanted to return to school, with Andrew faithfully by her side like the saline bag and tubes she found in her arms when she woke up. But Andrew was not as annoying as all of those things, Elena actually enjoyed having Andrew by her side. She felt important. All of her classmates gawked at her as if she had entered a foreign land. Then she noticed, yet again, that everyone looked older to such a significant degree. As Elena and Andrew strolled into their first class of the day, the teacher greeted them (the greeting was directed more toward Elena, but considering Andrew hasn’t been mentally present, it felt appropriate) by welcoming them to their senior year. This shocked Elena, but not that much.

All of a sudden, questions flooded Elena’s mind. How was she going to go to college? What did they learn sophomore, junior and most of senior year?  Was she going to prom? Would she graduate with her class? Why wasn’t she with the sophomores? She attempted to ask Andrew, but he insisted that he had everything under control. Elena remembered that she was talking to her bestfriend, who she has a crush on. The way he displayed control and authority made her love him even more. The new Elena was not afraid to show her emotions. Matter of fact, she was so confident, she kissed Andrew in the middle of class. She didn’t care about what everybody else thought. Matter of fact, she forgot that there were other people in the room.

This is weird. I finally understand why everyone loves kisses. It’s more than lips touching. I feel his heartbeat and I think he can feel mine. Wow, I love Andrew. Haha I feel the generic fireworks. Okay, I should stop now.

As their lips separated, they each opened their eyes and smiled. They left class with stars in their eyes.  “I’ve been waiting to do that since freshman year. That’s why I didn’t want to talk to you, or sit next to you, or get close to you, because I was in love with you and didn’t know how to cope with my feelings.” Elena released a sigh of relief. It felt good to get that out of her system.

“You could’ve just told me that.”

“I know, but I was scared.”

“Why?” Andrew chuckled. “I thought we were close enough for us to be able to talk about anything?”

Elena did not like the fact that he had questions. But she answered them nonetheless. “I don’t know. I guess I thought I would ruin our friendship.”

“Oh, I guess that’s okay. But you know you can tell me anything. I bet you feel better now, don’t you?”

“Most definitely.” Elena chuckled as she confirmed Andrew’s statement. She forgot how comfortable she was with him. “I’m glad I had feelings for you rather than anyone else.”

Andrew then noticed something and, out of curiosity and the fact that he was comfortable enough to talk to her about anything, decided to question Elena yet again. “Why are you talking in past tense?”

“Because that was freshman year. This is senior year.”

Andrew took this offensively. “But you just kissed me in the middle of class.” The bell that started the next class period rang, but the two ignored it out of fury. Andrew felt betrayed because he sensed a lack of trust between them. Elena knew this and it made her uncomfortable so she just walked away and never looked back.

In a perfect world, Elena and Andrew would have lived happily ever after, but every friendship (even if it is more than just a friendship) has its end.